Adventures of Prince Charming

From 7th grade...(2011)

Unfinished...likely not to be finished...dedicated to my friends in Bar Harbor ;) 
Comment any suggestions anyways!

           Once upon a time, there was a very, very, large kingdom ruled by Prince Charming’s father King Wonderful. In this kingdom some things that lived here were: Cinderella, Nemo, Marlin, Prince Charming, Ariel, Flounder, Sleeping Beauty, and others.

            Cinderella did not like Nemo. She did not like Nemo one little bit. She absolutely, completely, hated him. But that was only because Nemo abducted her glass slipper and ran away with it. So when Cinderella saw Nemo again, she grabbed Nemo and strangled him with her headband. Poor Nemo. Cinderella went home to her prince, Prince Charming. She cooked Nemo up with spices and smoked him in the oven. Prince Charming was very delighted with the meal and ate Nemo quickly, without leaving one bit for Cinderella. Cinderella ate Nemo’s bones.

            Marlin, Nemo’s overprotective father, was so, so, sad. He wanted revenge for his poor little son. He swam through the air to Cinderella’s glass castle and tried to stab Cinderella, but to no avail. Cinderella ducked under Marlin and plunged her butter knife into Marlin’s stomach, and Marlin died very quickly. Prince Charming took no notice, just telling his wife to cook Marlin too so he could eat Marlin for desert. Cinderella cooked Marlin and served it to Prince Charming with a side of cold whipped cream.

            Ariel, who heard through her dearest friend Ursula that Nemo and Marlin were dead, was so, so, so, so, so, sad. She cried, and cried, and cried until she had filled up her house. She had to drain it out, and then she was so angry at Cinderella. In a fit of rage and throwing items, she threw Flounder, her best friend, into the dishwasher where he quickly suffocated and died. This only made Ariel cry harder, and she died within minutes of deep depression and drowned in her own tears. Prince Charming, who had told Cinderella that he was out on an errand, saw his dearest Ariel dead and buried her sadly. He was glad that she had ditched Prince Eric, because otherwise, he would be going home with a dozen bruises. However, he had no passion for fish, except eating them, so he took Flounder out of the dishwasher and went back home so that he could eat Flounder for his midnight tea. Cinderella proudly dished up Flounder on her best plate and Prince Charming ate Flounder.

            It was time, Prince Charming thought, that he go and visit his dear Sleeping Beauty, Aurora. He told Cinderella his father, King Wonderful, had called him for a visit. Cinderella let him go happily. Prince Charming hopped on his horse, Sir Horse, and raced to Aurora’s castle, which was right next to Cinderella’s on the other side of the small forest that divided all of the castle properties. Aurora let him in, but she was very angry.

            “Where have you been!” She screeched loudly. Prince Charming cowered behind Sir Horse. Aurora’s three fairy godmothers, Flora, Fauna and Merryweather, saw that Prince Charming had made their dearest girl angry and threw him out the window.

            “Begone, ugly, and don’t come back until you’re fit to talk to our Briar Rose!” the fairies yelled. Aurora (Briar Rose) hmmphed as Prince Charming sailed out the window.

            A very small mouse saw Prince Charming coming and was very scared. The poor mouse ran and ran as fast as he could, but Prince Charming still squished him. The mouse was so, so, so, so sad. Prince Charming roasts the mouse and eats him on the side of the road. Prince Charming sleeps in the woodshed next to Aurora’s castle. When he woke up, his crown was gone! His large, three feet towering crown inlaid with nine hundred jewels! Gone!

            “WHO STOLE MY CROWN!!!!! THIEF!!” Prince Charming bellowed. For a not so charming Prince Charming, he could bellow. Aurora, who had stolen the Prince’s crown because she was angry and thought that he maybe decided to dump her, cowered in her castle. At times she was afraid of the dumpy Prince Charming.

            Now, Thumbelina was a very kind girl, although she was thumb sized. She sacrificed herself, crying.

            “I stole your crown,” Thumbelina said. She was so, so, so, so, so, sad that she had to die. Prince Charming picked up Thumbelina, threw her in the fire, roasted her and ate her. But still he did not find his crown. He was very angry, but decided that he would go see Belle. Belle would always have advice for him.

            “Sleeping Beauty!” The Prince bellowed. “I’m going home now!” Aurora knew that he was married to Cinderella, but she thought that he was going to divorce Cinderella soon and marry herself. Aurora nodded and let him go. The Prince started on the path towards Cinderella’s, but then turned around in the forest and went to see Belle.

            When he reached the castle, Belle was sitting in a hammock reading a book. She had never looked so happy!

            “Belle!” Prince Charming said and walked into the castle yard.

            “Prince Charming. Are you here to see Prince Adam?” Belle said, surprised.

            Prince Charming told Belle about his stolen crown, but instead of advice, Belle began to giggle. Then she began to laugh. Then she lay on her side and sobbed with laughter. Angry, Prince Charming hopped on Sir Horse and left the castle. He started towards home, Cinderella’s castle, because Belle knew that he was married to Cinderella, and she no longer cared about Prince Charming’s business now that she had her beloved Prince Adam. Then he turned Sir Horse around and galloped to see Snow White.

            “Snow White, my fair lady.” Prince Charming bowed. Cinderella was the toughest, but Snow White required care or else she would faint. Snow White fainted. Prince Charming turned around and left. He rode on to see Tiana.

            Tiana had just cleaned out her restaurant and was happily singing in the empty restaurant when the Prince burst in.

            “Prince Not Charming.” Tiana said in disgust. She picked him up with her pinky, swung him around by his braids and threw him out the open roof. Prince Naveen poked his head out of the restaurant.

            “Leave Tia alone!” Prince Naveen yelled as Prince Charming flew and flew and flew and he landed on Pocahontas’s tepee. Pocahontas screamed.

            “I hate you!!!!!” She cried. It was Pocahontas’s favorite tepee. She was so, so, so, so, so, sad. She almost died, but luckily she was sent to the hospital. At the Royal Royalty Hospital, Mrs. Potts took care of her while Chip entertained all the patients with his silly songs. Sadly, when Pocahontas heard that Cinderella’s stepmother, Lady Tremaine, had, in an attempt to beautify Cinderella’s stepsisters Anastasia and Drizella, had killed her dearest John Smith, she died of a heart attack. Prince Charming cooked Pocahontas and ate her because he was starving.

            Then the magic carpet flew into the room and decapitated Prince Charming. Prince Charming’s head rolled and rolled and rolled and rolled, and then Aladdin and Jasmine came in. Jasmine picked up the hospital bed, put it on top of Prince Charming, then called Cinderella on her iPhone.

            Cinderella raced to the scene with a lamp in her hand. She started to cry, and cry, and cry because she was so, so, so, so, sad. Then her godmother came and decided to call Rapunzel in hope that she could heal Prince Charming before Cinderella drowned in her own tears. Rapunzel came riding on an alligator name Piglet, whom she tied to the hospital door when she went in. She saw Prince Charming’s head, rolling around on the floor, and screamed. She fainted. The fairy godmother decided that she had to take charge of this mess and she called up Dr. Myself, who fixed Prince Charming right up.

            When all order had been restored, Prince Charming went home with Cinderella. He decided that Cinderella was the best princess ever, after she “saved” him, and then he dumped Aurora, Snow White, Cinderella’s stepsisters Anastasia and Drizella, and Tinker Bell.

            Aurora was so horrified that she killed herself in a fit of sadness, and Flora, Fauna and Merryweather turned Prince Charming into a frog. Prince Charming tried to get help from Tiana and Prince Naveen, but Tiana wouldn’t tell him the secret, and Prince Naveen sent him flying out the house when he came back. Prince Charming wandered around with Cinderella, who desperately tried to fix him up. When Snow White heard that Prince Charming turned into a frog, she called Anastasia, Drizella, and Tinker Bell. The four had a party at Snow White’s house. They danced and danced and danced and danced until Peter Pan had to take Tinker Bell home before she lost all of her sparkles. Of course, Peter Pan didn’t know that Tinker Bell had been going out with Prince Charming before. Smee, the pirate from Captain Hook’s ship, ditched Captain Hook and decided to ask Anastasia to marry him. In a fit of jealousy, Drizella ran off with Captain Hook, although she couldn’t understand why that would make anything better. Poor Lady Tremaine watched her two daughters disappeared, and then she went to the devil so that she could be with her beloved Doctor Facilier, the wicked Shadowman who had been banished by Tiana and Prince Naveen.

            Back to Prince Charming. Cinderella was horrified at the sight of him. She begged Tiana to tell her the secret, but Tiana picked Cinderella up and stuffed her up the chimney. Cinderella got a lot of cinders and ash on her face, which reminded her of her horrible childhood. She was so, so, so, so, so, so, sad that she murdered the snail within the chimney. Tiana was so mad that she pulled Cinderella out and buried her in the garden. Anastasia, the other one, the Empress of Russia, felt bad for Cinderella and dug her out. Tiana only sighed because Tiana had spent all that work burying Cinderella. She even shaped Cinderella’s burial mound into a star. Anastasia said that she was sorry, then she took Cinderella back to her castle because Cinderella wanted to see Prince Charming.

            “Anastasia, do you think I’m ugly?” Cinderella asked.

            “Of course I do.” Anastasia said, surprised by Cinderella’s question. Angry, Cinderella pulled a powder box out of her purse and stabbed Anastasia with the sharp corner. Dimitri, who just came on a magic carpet he borrowed from Aladdin, was horrified. He picked up Cinderella and threw her the rest of her way to the castle, where Cinderella landed on Prince Charming.

            “Ouch.” Prince Charming howled.

            “Oh dear!” Cinderella said, rolling off the frog. “Here, I’ll fix it with a kiss.” Cinderella said and she kissed the frog. They watched as the frog changed back into Prince Charming.

            “Ha. Ha, ha, ha.” Tiana was standing on an apple and laughing. “True love. How sweet!” She said sarcastically. This made Cinderella angry. Cinderella tried to grab Tiana, but Tiana jumped out of the way and Cinderella tripped on her big hoop skirts. Then Tiana left.

            Then the seven dwarves came. They were very, very, very mad at Cinderella. They threw out Cinderella’s make up boxes.

            “WHO DARES ENTER THE UM UM UM UM UM UM UM UM UM-” Cinderella looked up to see a huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge giant. She screamed in terror and fell of a cliff. Peter Pan thought that Cinderella was Wendy and caught her, but then when he saw Cinderella he dropped her. He was already getting princess poison from Cinderella and there were ugly red bumps on his nose. The giant looked down at Cinderella. It felt bad for her, so it reached down and grabbed Cinderella. His smelly hands were so smelly that Cinderella fainted. Then Cinderella woke up because his hands were so smelly.

            “Who are you! Put ME DOWN!!!!” Cinderella screamed. She kicked and thrashed.

            “My name is Mister Hooglety Pooglety.”

            “That’s an ugly name.” Cinderella said. She squished a bug crawling on the giant’s hand. Its wife was so, so, so, so, so, so, sad and it drowned in its tears.

            “Well what do you think my name should be?” The giant said. The giant, as Peter Pan could see, had one big eye. It was green and had moss growing all over it, and worst of all its hair was made of grass.

            “Ugly Pugly.” Cinderella decided. The giant was so, so, so, so, so, so, sad. It dropped Cinderella and went off, drowning the countryside in his tears. And Cinderella’s castle too. When Cinderella finally climbed up the cliff and got to her castle in a boat, she could see Prince Charming hanging on the flag post by his hair. Golden, long hair, Cinderella saw, surprised.

            “No, stupid,” A voice said. “It’s me. Rapunzel, and you can thank me later for saving your worthless little worm. Then a head poked out above Rapunzel’s shoulder. Prince Charming did not seem to see that Cinderella had arrived.

            “Oh, but Zelly, dear, of course I’m not a worthless worm.” Prince Charming gushed. “Don’t you think I’m very charming and handsome?” Rapunzel shook her head and slapped the Prince in the face.

            “You are fat, ugly, and a worthless worm.” Rapunzel said. Then she tossed him into the boat with Cinderella, who was fuming with anger.

            “Wait, Zelly! Don’t forget- I’ll be at your castle for dinner tonight, dear!” Prince Charming shouted back, still gushing. Rapunzel’s hair reached out and whipped Prince Charming, but he still stood there smiling. Cinderella raged even more, and her sort of lovely face turned purple, contorted, and red.

            “YOU SENSELESS FAT FOOL! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I HAVE THE MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE! I WILL DIVORCE YOU!” Cinderella screamed. She threw Prince Charming out of the boat. Prince Charming was so fat that he sunk to the bottom. Ariel’s father decided that he felt sad for such a poor fool, so he made the water wash Prince Charming ashore. Then Ariel’s sister, Leira, came up to the water. Leira was just like Ariel, curious about the world. She saw Prince Charming on the beach and went to sing him songs. In a fit of anger, Cinderella, who of course wasn’t divorcing her lovely Prince Charming, swatted Leira away. Then Prince Eric, who was riding on Pegasus, swooped down and saved her. But Leira thought Prince Eric had dumped Ariel, not the opposite, so she was angry and leapt off the horse. She landed in One Thousand Acres Wood, right next to Winnie the Pooh in his thinking spot.

            “Hello, lovely.” Pooh said, smiling.

            “Hello, lovely.” Leira said back to him, smiling. The very next day they got married, Leira the mermaid and Winnie the Pooh.

            Back to Cinderella. Cinderella was busy singing to Prince Charming. Despite her ugliness, she still had a lovely voice. Since she was bored, she ate onions while she sang. Then Prince Charming woke up.

            “Eew!” Prince Charming rolled away. “Cinderella, your breath is absolutely horrifying.